Thankful Thursday

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Sorry I missed last thursday! Sometimes life gets hectic with an eight month old...which brings me to my thankful thursday blog. This thursday, I am so very thankful for the miracle in my life named Riley.

We call Riley our miracle baby because I was told prior to chemo that I may never be able to make babies due to all of the chemotherapy. This is common with chemo, but even more common since I was given 2.5 years of chemo in 2.5 months. When Riley was born our lives would never be the same. I know, I know, Captain Obvious, but I mean it. She brings an amazing calm to my life, she completes me.

Riley has taught me so many things about life, even at her young age of 8 months. Most people get annoyed and crazy when a baby incessantly cries, but for me, that is the sound of life, music to my ears. Cancer tends to do that to you, gives you a totally different perspective on life. Tonight, Riley was playing and laughing and smiling and I broke down and cried. Cancer definitely makes you more emotional. I cried, not because I was upset, just the opposite, I was so happy to be there, in the moment. Then as Riley saw these tears coming down my face, she flashed that million watt smile, and I cried even more. She truly is a miracle.

I truly never knew I could love someone as much as I love Riley. The saying Daddy's little girl exists for a reason. This is not to discount the bond between Meg and Riley, because it is real and amazing. Riley and I have a different sort of bond; very hard to articulate, but I would never trade it for anything in the world. Even at her age, I am amazed. I look forward to watching our bond grow as she gets older.

I was thinking about how a cancer diagnosis affects the feelings and bond between a parent and child. Cancer tends to enhance all senses. My sense of smell is more acute, the sounds of Riley and the noises she make, I embrace. I truly love the way she makes me feel and have never appreciated anything more in my life. I truly cherish every moment she and I share together. I get that life is short and I really want to make the most of our time together. I love everything about Riley...from her booty shaking dance to the alphabet song, the splashing of the water in her duck tub, to the giggles she gives me when we play the tickle game. The gift of life is an unbelievably amazing thing and I have never been more happy in my life. Thank you Riley, for being the most amazing daughter in the world, you have changed our lives in the best way possible, you complete us. I will always cherish every moment that you and I share. You are definitely the best a dad could ask for.

Be well, liveStrong, and keep climbing!

Joe Schneider